Meghan Trainor Married a Spy Kid
I was doing a casual browse of Wikipedia late one night, fighting my eyelids as the thirst for knowledge was just too arousing compared with the idea of being unconscious for several hours. I had been listening to Meghan Trainor’s hit single Dear Future Husband in order to find out if she was indeed still a hit single herself or if she had found that eponymous Future Husband that she sang about. My heart leapt with joy as I found out that she had indeed settled down, given up on her silly dreams of a career in singing and had found a man that was able to provide for her, good for her. Haha we have fun, but all jokes aside, let’s see who this bloke is and what kind of celebrity the uber-successful pop star has managed to get.
I followed the link onto the Wikipedia page of her husband, a certain Daryl Sabara, it was a face I recognised instantly and a quick glance to the other side of the page at the only thing he was famous for confirmed my suspicions. Meghan Trainor had married a Spy Kid. Now, if that sentence sets off alarm bells in your head, well done, good looking out, but he is actually now more of a Spy Adult, 29 years old at the time of writing, so get back in your seat. Spy Kids was, and still is, a popular trilogy of B-movies based around Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara) and his sister, whose name I’ve forgotten and don’t care enough to research. These films scared me a lot as a child, with creepy thumb people and other goofy monstrosities. As a matter of fact, my earliest cinema memory is crying at the mech fight scene in Spy Kids 3D. But returning to these films as an adult they are pretty watchable, a goofy sense of humour, view them as a bit tongue-in-cheek and you’ll have a good time, especially with the various famous faces smattered throughout, Elijah Wood, Steve Buscemi, Sylvester Stallone, George Clooney apparently. All that said, Daryl Sabara is a bit of a joke of a celebrity because this is the only thing I’ve ever seen him in and as a result I couldn’t help but let my mind wander about how on Earth he pulled himself a stunner and A-Lister like Meghan Trainor.
I returned for another listen of Dear Future Husband with this fresh new context and the song suddenly seemed prophetic, you can tell, listening to this earlier version of Meghan Trainor that those two were definitely meant to be. In the first verse she sings “You got the 9 to 5, but baby so do I, so don’t be thinking I’ll be home and baking apple pies!” Little did she know she would go on to marry someone who made a load of money as a child actor and then proceeded to have nothing of a career after that, I mean his Wikipedia image in the year 2022 is a picture of him from 2006, that’s just sad.
So he can be in the kitchen baking while she brings home the proverbial, and literal, dough. After that it actually gets kind of spooky when she says “After every fight, just apologise”, like she knew that her future husband had starred in a film with a mech fight that had brought a 5-year-old me to tears and that I was still waiting on a heartfelt and sincere apology. But the part of the song that really rocks me in hindsight is “Dear future husband, don’t forget the flowers every anniversary, and I’ll only marry you if you starred in Spy Kids 3”. You’ve gotta respect that she knew what she wanted from such a young age, and she wasn’t afraid to go after it.
Regardless of how they met and whether it was rigged from the start, it’s certainly an interesting scenario to consider. A classic odd couple situation, oh to be a fly on the wall in their marriage… I think it would go a little something like this:
Meghan: “Hi honey, I’m home”
Daryl: “Hey sweetie, I hope you had a good day, I’ve just been playing with the kids, teaching them some stuff.”
Cut to children fighting a horde of skeletons in a colosseum.
Daryl: “Anyway, how was your day?”
Meghan: “Oh it was alright, I was just in the studio doing A&R for my new album. My thumbs are so sore.”
Daryl: “Well, it can’t be that bad, I know a thing or two about thumbs giving me trouble! Because obviously in Spy Kids, the henchmen of the villain were these giant thumb creatures, do you remember sweetie?”
Meghan ignores him
Daryl: “Do you want to watch it again tonight?”
Meghan: “No, I’m busy tonight, I’ve got to take the car to pick up my mom from the airport.”
Daryl: “Ahhh, that reminds me of the time I was in a futuristic car race and I pressed a button that threw a massive pie at one of the other drivers!”
Meghan: “In a movie…”
Daryl: “Don’t forget, we’re having dinner with the fooglies tomorrow! I hope I didn’t tell them it was tonight by mistake…”
Door bursts open and the four fooglies stampede into the room
Meghan: “Here we go again.”
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